“We create every so-called illness in our body.” – Louise Hay, author, You Can Heal Your Life
“Once you recognize that you’re on a path, then everything you do becomes grist for the mill, becomes a part of the path. There’s a certain kind of awareness that’s there, even if you don’t like it.” – Krishna Das, grammy-nominated kirtan singer
Your Body, Mind, and Spirit are hugely interconnected.
I wrote last month about how I am convinced that my last painful breakup was undoubtedly related to the next day blood/pee tests showing a small red flag possibly related to my kidney problem (FSGS) that has been in remission for two years. Not a full blown emergency, but a red flag. I have few if any symptoms of my auto-immune issues, so when something comes up, it’s noticed. This red flag was something my super smart doctors immediately wanted to get to the bottom of.
Where was the small warning sign coming from? I explained to my doctors that it was me at first holding back from and then willfully moving through some deep sadness, and sure enough, I pointed out, as if they didn’t know, the kidneys are the filters of your body for toxins. No wonder the red flag showed up in that part of my system. Nothing is coincidental.
For so many years, my habit has been to bury my hurt, sadness and anger. This started in my childhood, when I fared far better if I was cheerful and pleasant.
When the end of this relationship happened, I consciously and fully let myself feel the sadness of it. Not one of my friends could understand why I was so truly bummed- in fact, they reminded me that I used to get over things so quickly. But here’s why this one hurt so much–the last straw that ended this relationship was outrageously similar to the last straw that ended my 12-year marriage, and the last straw that ended my very first long-term love relationship when I was 22 years old. Ouch.
When these dots connected for me, at first, I was outraged at myself (funny I would go there first)–how could have I possibly friggin’ manifested the same thing AGAIN? But then, the self-acceptance and reframing flooded in—because I have grown the place of finally allowing myself to feel deeply and fully about this ending, I was able to access and free the buried sadness that I have kept on high security lock-down inside (for years) about the other two relationships. This door magically opened the other doors. Actually…what a TRIUMPH!
That’s how things heal. You’ve got to get to the bottom of it all. Move that toxic energy out! See ya! I believe that until you face your core fears, or hurts, that the universe will keep sending you experiences so that you can resolve it. Your spirit knows you are divine, and your truest, most beautiful self wants that sore healed, wants you to be free, be healthy again.
Ideally, you want to move that emotional energy out before it manifests in your body as something real and ugly.
My doctors listened politely, (they’ve heard stories before about my love life ☺), but wanted to test for physical causes (like maybe a tumor although they won’t say that)… “it has to be coming from somewhere.” All three of them (rheumatologist, urologist and nephrologist) were in agreement. I gave in, because I respect them, because they are brilliant, because I have awesome health insurance, and because just in case.
So, since last month, I first had a CT scan of my full abdomen (liver, intestines, kidneys, etc.) and all my organs are smiling and perfectly normal. I then had a cystoscopy, where they put a scope up into my bladder (cringe, not fun), and again, perfectly normal. They then removed a medication I take to control the Rheumatoid Arthritis, possibly irritating, so fabulous, I love when I can drop a drug from my lineup. Last week, I had a CT scan of my complete pelvis and lo and behold, there was the most likely culprit—a 5 mm teeny forming kidney stone that produces that exact sort of red flag, but which I can’t and hopefully never will feel.
Have you ever heard the phrase “your thoughts become things?” This is a perfect example. Is it a coincidence that the red flag showed up the day after I was triggered into releasing so much sadness about my past? No! Would I ever intentionally hurt myself? No! I am doing my best here.
I believe that every red flag your body sends up—whether a weird test result, a type of pain, or a full blown illness–is a message. Maybe this one was my body saying, “Just FYI Megan…that sadness was in there so long it finally formed a small irritation.” Or maybe “That breakup put the irritation over the edge so that it finally showed up on the tests.” Who knows. The red flag led me to the physical cause, let me know it was there, and now I can do something about it. It led me to the emotional cause too, so I can continue my self-healing work. Our body is full of wisdom, if only we listen.
On my last appointment, my doctor noted that despite the kidney stone finding, interestingly, my latest tests were slightly better. He was thinking out loud about how that could possibly be, and I chimed in, “it’s because time has gone by, and now I am less sad.”
We both get to be right.